dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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