Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
