I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
