Moan for me like Helen Keller
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
