She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
