Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
