i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
