I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable