We named our party play list daddy issues
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.