no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.