U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
