My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
