Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.