Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
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Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
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FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
