Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
