Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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