There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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