Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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