peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
