and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We left the knife in your bed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
