im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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