Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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