How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
