Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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