I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
