One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
