Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
