it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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