we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
