I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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