fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
