Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
