Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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