why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I want is dick and wine.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
