She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
