do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
