Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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