Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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