I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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