Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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