why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
