Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize