woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
