PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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