I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
