Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
