doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
