I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
