I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
