So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
