Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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