It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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