i love accidental penises.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i will never coherently bang her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
