omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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