I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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