Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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