no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
