i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
