5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
