My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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