I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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