If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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