bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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