I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
