when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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