i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
