party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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