Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
