my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
