I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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