I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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