You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
