i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
