When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
