i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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