So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
