i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
