so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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