So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
