I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
