Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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