Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
handjob tips. give me some.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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