What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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