could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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