Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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