Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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