I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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