she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
