Im at strip club and am horny
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
