Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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