You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
